Not Enough Divorce Story Drama???

Divorce #2:

We’ve covered the selfishness; the anger issues; the father absenteeism, and the possible kiddie porn but obviously it wasn’t all bad or I wouldn’t have stuck around for so long. Clyde has this completely unnatural, superpower-like ability to make people feel sorry for him, including me.

He’s like frickin’ Puss in Boots with the big, sad eyes…

[Clyde’s just not as cute!]

When my brain finally snapped free of Clyde’s spell Guiltius-maximus, I made the conclusion that he was never going to be anything different and staying with him was actually harming our kids.
I told him we were done. There wouldn’t be marriage #3 and I didn’t think staying friends would be a good idea because there’s too much opportunity to back-slide. We need to cut off all contact except for when discussing our kids.

Clyde went berserk. I actually still have the recording of our conversation. He called me a whore and threatened to bring our daughter into the middle of it if I didn’t do what he wanted.
Thank heavens we were staying at an upscale extended stay hotel or otherwise I really think he could have killed me that day.

When I picked up the phone to call the front desk, Clyde left and we avoided each other for the next few weeks. I gave him extra money to go see his friend in another state so the kids and I could have some peaceful quite-time together. A month later, before we moved back to Mordor, Clyde had another melt-down because I wouldn’t let him take my car.

Not “our” car… not his car… but MY car.

Clyde tried to repeat history with another girl he found online. He wanted me to find out he’d taken her out on dates and around town in my car to get under my skin; however, things didn’t go quite as he’d planned this time.

And just like before, he made sure to introduce our kids to his new married internet sweetheart right away in hopes in would get back to me as soon as our divorce was finalized. Our kids didn’t even know we were getting divorced at the time.

My daughter nicknamed this girlfriend “BlahBlah” because of a “How I Met Your Mother” episode titled “How I Met Everyone Else“.
Premise: The main character, Ted, meets this girl on the internet but can’t remember her name so he just calls her BlahBlah. Embarrassed that she and Ted met online, BlahBlah makes up a story about how she saw Ted across a crowded room at a cooking class. It becomes clear that she’s extremely neurotic and paranoid when she feels threatened by Ted’s ex-girlfriend and starts revealing some of her crazy behaviors.

I’ve personally never met Clyde’s girlfriend so I’ll just have to assume my daughter’s depiction is accurate… and funny.

BlahBlah unloaded all of her emotional baggage on to our daughter when they first met… well, everything except that she was married. She apparently had random mental break-downs in front of our children and bragged to our daughter about meeting Clyde on an internet dating site during our marriage, like it was some sort of romantic Hollywood love story you tell your kids at your 50th wedding anniversary. After all, there are so many love stories that end happily after when they begin as an affair. Then they told our daughter to keep it a secret and lie to their friends & family… and to top it off, they asked our daughter to hide everything from me until the divorce was final.

You just can’t make this shit up.

I don’t mean to laugh and make light of a serious situation but the stupidity here is astounding. You don’t need to be a psych expert to realize just how wrong this is to a developing child.

Obviously, when it all came out, I was the one left to clean up the mess. Our daughter was an emotional basket-case. Child Protective Services and psychiatrists became involved. There were numerous court hearings and angry emails. Ugh.

It was total insanity.

Normally, Clyde would probably do what he’s done in the past and disappear, but now BlahBlah’s taken over where Clyde left off. She intercepts his letters and emails to make sure Clyde’s anger isn’t on display for the legal system.

Family courts don’t do much good but I guess I do need to cut them some slack. After all, if I was the one living this life for more than a decade and couldn’t see what was going on, how is a stranger who only knows our story by reading legal jargon and paperwork going to see the situation clearly? I assume that judges are trained in law, not psychiatry; however, I feel that if they’re going to insert themselves into the personal lives of law-abiding citizens, they should at least have trained psychologists handy. It’s sad how much others control our lives and how much freedom we truly don’t have once you’ve experienced dealing with our so-called justice system.

The Silver Lining!

We did a little geographical relocation therapy… meaning we moved far, far away.

It turned out to be the best thing to happen to all of us. My son stopped wetting himself and my teenage daughter went from nearly failing the 8th grade last year to becoming an honor student. The kids are actually happy and relaxed for the first time in a long time and life gets better every day now that we’re far away from the drama. We’ve finally settled in and found our niche.

As for me, I’m almost ready to date again and test out my new skills: Seeing the red flags early and labeling the douchebags before they even get my number.
“Excuse me, sir, but do you come with any references?”

I took advice from a very wise & caring professor of mine and I discovered there are some pretty awesome fish in that sea – but only if you’re patient and learn how to fish the right way. Throw the carp and guppies back into the water. Never settle just so you can say you caught one.

And even though I wasn’t even in love with my ex-husband, it was difficult knowing my ex was being taken care of while I was left to pick up the shattered pieces he’d carelessly left behind… Yes, it’s unfair… and yes, I wanted to show both Clyde & BlahBlah that they didn’t bother me. I was tempted to immediately jump in bed with someone new but somehow in all the chaos, my brain was able to realize it was only temporary – even though it felt like forever at the time – but I’m so proud I kept myself composed and made the right choices.

And want to know what the best part is for me? After 15 years and many break-ups, I no longer feel any ounce of guilt for leaving Clyde behind…

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