Super Narcissist…. Up, Up… and Away!

I went through some old emails yesterday looking for information and I struck gold. An email all the way from 2006… from my ex, Clyde. This email showcases almost every aspect of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Back in 2006, we were “that couple” who was no longer intimate but still lived together because I couldn’t afford a divorce and we had a lease on an apartment together. That was the ONLY reason and I’d made that very clear to Clyde, but Clyde has issues with boundaries.

The forgotten email was written after Clyde gave me my first-ever anniversary gift… 9 years after we got married! That also means at that particular time, we had been separated for 10 months. Confused? You should be!  The email goes as follows:

— On Fri, 07/14/06, Amy wrote:
From: Amy 
Subject: Gift 
To: Clyde 
Date: Friday, July 14, 2006, 2:40 PM 
It was a nice gesture, but I don't know how much more
clear I can be. You don't celebrate anniversaries 
with someone you've broken up with. Just because we 
talk without screaming doesn't mean things are repaired. 
You yell at our daughter for absolutely no reason. She's 
a great kid. She doesn't deserve that kind of treatment.
I'm sick of being told to "shut up" or "fuck off" in 
front of the kids. I've put up with a LOT of your shit 
for over a decade and kept taking you back, but this time
you crossed the line. You can't fix what you've done. 
Every time I look at my pictures of my sister & I, I get 
disgusted. Even worse, you've never taken responsibility 
for it. 
I don't know how else I can say it's over.

From: Clyde
Subject: RE: Gift 
To: Amy 
Date: Friday, July 14, 2006, 3:07 PM 
I never claimed that things were "repaired". 
I have no delusions of us being together.
I just figured this was our last "anniversary" 
so I got you a gift. No big deal. I don't like 
being around you. The only time you even talk to 
me is if you need something. Milk, Homework, 
someone to bitch at. I'm done with you. 
I'd have already moved out if it wasn't for me 
being able to see our kids on a regular basis.
I don't like going to your family outings. Your 
family is boring to me.....when they don't flake
and actually show up.
As far as your sister is concerned I could care 
less. I don't find her attractive. All she has 
going for her is big boobs. She has very little 
personality, and what is there is stuck thinking 
she's 16. I told you what those pictures were and 
if you don't believe me so what. Whatever makes
this relationship over works for me.
Oh and a little FYI The kids are not going to your 
mom's tomorrow. You can stay gone all weekend and 
work thru your little "crisis". Even though I can 
pull the "I didn't get to go out for my birthday 
I had to spend it with you" shit you try to pull 
all the time. I'll be home after I get off of work.
P.S. Answer your phone when I call.

From: Amy
Subject: RE: Gift 
To: Clyde 
Date: Friday, July 14, 2006, 3:37 PM
You have to talk about other people's maturity? 
This response was about as immature & insulting as 
you could get.
As far as your birthday, I don't know what you're 
talking about. We haven't been together in almost a 
year. I could have cared less how you spent your 
birthday and in all honesty, I don't even remember 
what you did.
We don't need to get into the whole what's fair and 
what's unfair because when it comes to leaving the 
family and disappearing for days on end ~ you win.
And for your information, Mr. Holier Than Thou, I 
plan on spending my actual birthday with our kids and 
my family.
Anyway, the kids want to go to my mom's. This 
sleepover party has been planned for 2 weeks now. 
Tonight's YOUR night with the kids, tomorrow night is 
MY night. That's what we agreed upon.
Don't start acting like you actually choose watching 
our kids over going out & drinking all weekend just 
because I have plans for once. 

From: Clyde
Subject: RE: Gift 
To: Amy 
Date: Friday, July 14, 2006, 3:52 PM
Well, I don't drink anymore. so that blows your theory 
to hell. I've been the DD every time I've gone out since 
I've been back in *Mordor*. 
We spent my birthday together and you gave me the "I want 
us to be together" talk and promised couples counseling 
and I moved back in. After that we went to Disney.
Don't remember any of that?
Just one quick Q. that I already know the answer to.
How pissed would you be if I had my Mom watch the kids on 
"My night" so I could go get sloshed? I'm not trying to 
pull the holier than thou crap. I'm just arguing the point 
that I'm not the whole problem here. You aren't a saint.

From: Amy
Subject: RE: Gift 
To: Clyde 
Date: Friday, July 14, 2006, 5:39 PM
You're crazy. Seriously.
For starters, you moved back in in November. 4 months 
before your birthday. Disney was not a mending thing.
It was spring break. That's all.
As far as couple's counseling..... well, you've had 10 
months to get that set up. Obviously it wasn't that 
important. Don't give me that "why didn't you set it up?"
I'm not the one who messed everything up. I'm not the one 
who was making naked pictures of your family members to 
use as masturbation material.
You stopped drinking as of when? Because last week, you 
came home with a half empty case of beer. You brought home
an 8-pack of Murphy's only two or three weeks ago 
(which was gone in a day). Our daughter can attest to 
that one because she's the one who came upstairs when you 
were passed out and said, "Dad's drunk. There's beer all 
over the desk."
And finally, regarding your Q.
The reason why it's okay for me to go out is because I 
have our kids ALL day EVERY day. I'm entitled to get at 
least one day off a week. 
The fact of the matter is you're upset that I'm going out 
and that I'm not moping around the apartment while you 
spend all weekend at wherever it is you go.
I can count the number of times I've been out in the last 
3 years on just one hand. You can't say the same, even 
just within the last year. You've even taken people out 
and paid for everyone ON MY CREDIT CARD WITHOUT MY 
KNOWLEDGE. I really have no idea as to why you see this 
as "so unfair".

Did you notice the narcissistic injury? Did you understand what happened when I didn’t appreciate his majesty’s generous gift; how angry he got and how he twisted his intentions? How he also started attacking my family?

What about the gas-lighting? I’m still 98% sure that Clyde’s birthday event, the birthday I didn’t remember but he claims we talked about getting back together, was completely made up. He said a blatant lie followed by a bit of truth (us going to Disneyland) so that altogether, it sounds like it could be real. He also tried to cover up his drinking, not knowing I was keeping record of it.

And the guilt he tried to place on me for going out and leaving the kids at my mother’s house? How he turned it around and said “how upset would you be…” an attempt to shame me in to staying home from another birthday celebration with my friends (like I had done in the past), even though he knew the kids were going to a sleepover party regardless if I went out or not.

Then he also played the combo guilt & martyr card by saying he didn’t get to go out on his birthday but he’ll be the bigger person and let me go out so I can work through my little “crisis” [crisis meaning celebrating my birthday with friends and having fun without him].

If I had agreed to cancel the kids’ slumber party, the likely scenario would have been Clyde disappearing without our children so I’d be forced to stay home once again. That was another frequent scheme of his. My friends were reluctant to make plans with me because I’d always end up cancelling due to an absentee Clyde.

And finally, the coup de grâce, where he once again said he was only sticking around so he could see the kids regularly.

On the weekends, Clyde had plenty of opportunities to take our kids to the park or an arcade… He just never did. If an activity wasn’t fun for him, there wasn’t an incentive to do it. He never did anything the kids wanted to do. It was always about him. Our children were just trophies to be brought out during holidays, family/friend visits, or when he was trying to reel in a new girlfriend so he could polish his big lie and keep everyone dazzled.

That’s his cover: Super dad. That’s the guy he wants the world to see and to think he is. I always saw traces of it throughout our relationship but I could never quite put my finger on what that nagging feeling was in my head. Now I understand it’s because Clyde’s actions never matched his words. I couldn’t see the forest for the trees, so-to-speak.

Tell a lie... keep repeating it... people will believe you.

 

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