What Narcissists do to Their Children

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Sociopaths and narcissists who procreate see their offspring as nothing more than extensions of themselves, much like a puppet or an extra limb. This is why we have obsessive stage-moms or angry coach-dads. Their children aren’t individuals. They’re part of the narcissist.

Did you ever see John Carpenter’s “The Thing“? Even when the alien’s body was severed, the detached pieces were still a part of the alien. I imagine that’s how narcissists see their children – they’re appendages meant to fulfill the narcissist’s bidding.

When children are young, they’re easy to control. It’s a narcissist’s dream; however, once a child gets older and gains some independence, they become a threat to the narcissist. They can expose the narcissist for what he or she truly is: a monster.

According to several researchers who have written books on the topic, narcissists seem to thrive the most off of being considered “a good parent” because being a good parent is what gets them the most attention and praise.

Children of narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths who don’t follow the same path as their pathological parent learn how to become overly compliant and passive to avoid being the target of their parent’s explosive, unpredictable anger. They grow up being the perfect partners for other pathological people because they’ve already undergone the grooming process. Unpredictable rages are startling and bizarre for emotionally healthy people; however, for children who have disordered caregivers, that behavior is normal. They learned at a young age how to be quiet and keep the peace.

That’s the case with my daughter, Sweet Girl.

Sweet Girl is quiet and shy. She’s afraid to say what she thinks or draw her comfort boundaries because when she did that at a younger age, Clyde’s family would rage at her. They’d claim she didn’t love them; they’d give Sweet Girl extended silent treatments, or they’d say that Sweet Girl  was unruly and disrespectful. Sweet Girl learned that keeping the peace meant being obedient and never questioning Clyde or his family.

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re·spect [ri-spekt]
noun
1. a particular, a detail, or a point.
2. esteem for, or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, quality or ability.
3. courteous regard to a right, privileged position, or someone or something; proper acceptance or courtesy.

Nowhere in that definition is fear or total obedience. The key term is courtesy, aka “social conduct or polite behavior”.

At any point in time, if a person in a position of power violates our rights as human beings, they are disrespecting us and we have ability to take action against that person.

These “rights” are even defined in our Declaration of Independence: Everyone is created equal and we all have “natural rights” that aren’t contingent upon laws, customs, or beliefs of any particular culture or government. The only “rights” a narcissist or sociopath sees are their own so if you are feeling exhausted, suffocated, crazy, confused, and taken advantage of… that’s likely the result of having a narcissist or sociopath in your life. Being biologically related to someone doesn’t give that person unconditional respect or power. Family isn’t a right, it’s a privilege.

If any of this is ringing a bell and you suspect you have a narcissistic parent, sibling, partner, etc., there’s a greatly increased chance that you’ve let other narcissists and sociopaths into your life.

It’s time to look at your garden and start pulling out the weeds.

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