“Step Into My Web” said the Spider to the Fly…
Have you ever said something like, “I swear, I have a sign that says ‘use me’ tattooed across my forehead“?
It’s not a coincidence.
Studies and brain scans have shown that pathological people (sociopaths and narcissists) can literally pick out a victim within a crowd. Pathologicals pick up on subconscious cues that identify a person who avoids conflict and who won’t fight back. They are predatory experts.
- Going through a divorce?
- Did you have a family member or close friend who recently died?
- Are you leaving another abusive relationship?
Then, my friend, you are the perfect victim and the pathologicals are on the prowl, looking for you. They’ll sweep in and become your shoulder-to-cry-on. They’ll fix your car or that leaky roof that’s been bothering you for so long. That’s how they implant the thought that they’re kind and compassionate. After a few months, they’ll make cruel remarks directed at you and/or those you love. This is confusing because the lover who everyone else sees as hateful and sadistic, you know can also be loving and kind. That’s why we hear victims insist, “You don’t know him or her the way I do!“
When things don’t make sense to us, our brains over-compensate to try to make sense out of a senseless situation.
YUOR BR41N C4N RAED TH15.
That’s why when someone’s intentionally cruel to us and we have a hard time understanding the behavior, our brains fill in the gaps with our own experiences and what we know: “Oh, they didn’t really mean it. They must have been joking or had a bad day/ bad childhood/ bad divorce…
[insert any scenario here]“.
But guess what, folks? There are genuinely evil people in this world and make no mistake, you mean nothing to them. Sure, they chose you because you have redeeming quality that they envy or want for themselves, but they also chose you because you gave off signals that advertise you’re the kind of person that can be easily manipulated and used. That means it’s time to strengthen those boundaries and reinforce a few walls.
Just a little tip: If someone’s behaviors or excuses don’t make sense to you and there’s no medical or cultural reason behind it, you’re likely dealing with a narcissist or sociopath.
Being raised by a raging narcissist caused me to have very weak boundaries because narcissists and sociopaths don’t want the people around them to have boundaries. The way they see it, everyone else is just an extension of themselves. Other people should live life according to them. They have a double-standard way of living and a “do as I say, not as I do” attitude.
People cross other people’s boundaries every day, in normal situations. This is why many of us become annoyed with salesmen and telemarketers. Violating boundaries is a part of their job.
The more someone allows people to cross their boundaries, the more they desensitize themselves to those violations. This weakens their resolve and makes it easier for others to ignore and disrespect those personal limitations.